Monday, 23 March 2009

I Am a Comic Poet

I am a comic poet
A comic poet am I
I’m not a proper poet
In another poet’s eye

I like my verse to rhyme
A proper poet don’t
I try for laughs each line
A proper poet won’t

A proper poet’s published
They won’t publish me
Not because I’m rubbish
But cos comic poetry

Is looked upon as low-brow
And so just doesn’t count
In fact I’ve got more know-how
Than many poets about

I could write a sonnet
A serious epic verse
But then I just think sod it
Can’t think of nothing worse

Than being so pretentious
I’d rather eat dog shit
If I could beat them senseless
For all the shit they’ve writ

Then that is what I’d do
I’d punch em in the head
I’d beat em black and blue
I’d hit em ‘til they bled

I’d run this through their heart
Their serious little eyes
I’d tear their bowels apart
And kick em ‘tween their thighs

I’d stamp upon their faces
I’d bend their knees right back
I’d cut em in weird places
I’d rip em a new crack

I’d like to see them suffer
To watch their eyes grow dim
Okay my verse is rougher
But in a fight I’d win

And as they lay there weeping
I’d read my poetry
And watch their black blood seeping
Oh, what comedy!

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