Wednesday, 23 June 2010

No Maybe Baby

My friend came to visit me with her new baby
And asked would I like one? I smiled and said maybe
But really the creatures are not to my liking
One end’s constant feeding and one’s constant wiping
One end is all scream and the other’s all splatter
Like tumours they grow, getting bigger and fatter
And louder and larger and soon they can talk
You have to talk back to them, then they can walk
You have to walk with them, then they can run
They run away from you, they take all the fun
Out of living the giving you get no thanks for
Then the grieving their leaving begets, what a bore
Are these children, these chilblains, these horrible kids
Who turn all your might-haves into never-dids
Who take all your time and your money as well
Who constantly whine, it was funny as hell
To see my friend croon and moon over the critter
She recently pooped out, the first of a litter
Of many, I thought, as her smiling daft face
Gurned googoo and gaga with all of the grace
Of a loony baboon, a baby-mad momma
Cartoon-y buffoon, and maybe tomorra
I’ll change my opinion but probably not
As I looked at my friend and her child all I got
Was a shivering sense of all she was missing
That quivering mass was all she was kissing
While I get the whole world to choose from and take
Boys, booze and bonbons are mine, that mistake
Is one better left to birds who feel a need
To fetter and cage themselves i.e. to breed
While I with my words will live happy, no baby
With unending turds will tie me down, no maybe
About it, without it I’m glad and I’m glowing
And instead of a child I give birth to this poem.

13 comments:

Anna said...

Exactly! Superb, and I have to agree
That being maternal just isn't for me.
And when patronising and satisfied bitches
Try to dissuade me, I'll think of their stitches.
The stretch marks and sleep lost and new mouths for feeding,
These are the benefits? Why bother breeding?!
It's not eco-friendly, it costs too much dough,
And Earth's overcrowded with nowhere to go.
My only concern is that if that's the case,
We're breeding good sense right out of the race.

林怡洋 said...

Poverty tries friends.....................................................................

雅莊王edgd春2蕙婷余惠其 said...

君子立恆志,小人恆立志。.................................................................

MinBar林 said...

不只BLOG內容很棒留言也很精采 XDDDD..................................................................

婷珊 said...

Pay somebody back in his own coin.............................................................

吳婷婷 said...

Drive carefully. It is not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.............................................................

楊儀卉 said...

上班好累哦,看看部落格轉換心情~~~先謝謝啦!!..................................................................

宥妃宥妃 said...

你的文章給我力量!感謝您!!!............................................................

吳淑黃彥儒惠 said...

祝你快高長大,工作順利,忙死你..................................................................

RicoLisi0802志竹 said...

愛,拆開來是心和受兩個字。用心去接受對方的一切,用心去愛對方的所有。......................................................................

毛彥宇毛彥宇 said...

一棵樹除非在春天開了花,否則難望在秋天結果。............................................................

解恆蔡靜芳念 said...

與人相處不妨多用眼睛說話,多用嘴巴思考. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Mab Jones said...

Ha ha!! Anna, just now saw your funny response-poem. Agree agree agree!!! Really hilarious :D x