The Year in Shitty Pictures

A lot of shit happened this year... Some of the shit was too shit for me to notice, as I had some other shit going on... But here's a few of the bits what I remember.

The year began. Everyone was really happy, and started using this new word, 'Amazeballs'. Some people liked it, but some people didn't... Of all the protests this year, this one was perhaps the most fierce!

Apparently, it got put in the Collins English Dictionary, and was something to do with popcorn. Maize balls!

A social internet tendency towards these sort of pictures flew about, each one less amusing than the last:

Next up: I got a Valentine's Card! One that was entirely fitting for a classy bird such as myself...

Then, the National Botanic Garden of Wales tried to stop me writing rude poems by making me their first ever Poet in Residence. I think it worked!

There were lots of things in the news, but I was too ill/caught up in shit to take notice...

Though, I did manage to enjoy the Olympics opening ceremony. It was great to finally find out where all those NHS beds went!

There was some blah-blah-crap to do with celebrating the Queen's existence, with a lot of tax payers' money going towards appropriate signage for the event...

I was also pleased to discover that this was the year Royal Doulton commemorated the release of the topless photos of Kate Middleton, by releasing a Collector's Edition of two small jugs...

The end of the world then showed up. It threatened to out-do the Great Asteroid of 1998 with its mega-awesomeness!!

However, the year didn't come to an end, but instead came to a close in its normal manner. I got ill again, but I had learned one important lesson...

Also, that if I could have a dinner party with any three people, dead or alive, it would be Justin Bieber, Chris Brown, and Piers Morgan. All dead.

That was my shit year in pictures! Let's hope that 2013 isn't as crap!!!!!!!!

No More Mrs Nice Mab!

I've been ill for some time now. The most recent string of sicknesses (like dirty beads on a stinking chain - and when you look closely, you see the beads are actually throbbing glands, sweat-soaked cells, and globules of glutinous bile) has included: food poisoning; swiftly followed by yet another kidney infection; succeeded by a chest infection/flu; with conjunctivitis and an adverse reaction to some meds thrown in.

I've been lying down a lot, a bit like Katy in What Katy Did, but without ever having naughtily gone on the swing I was told not to. Generally, I am a Good Girl. I don't like to hurt people's feelings. I try to 'be nice' and pleasant and fit in with what other people want. I trained as a counsellor and I'm usually diplomatic with my words (in Real Life - which explains why On Stage I am such a madam!). However, there's nothing like a bit of enforced inertia to instill a strong sense of 'What I Want' in one.

And what I want is: excitement! Adventure! To enjoy more thrilling activities! And, to obtain a flat of my own, as per my Facebook status earlier this week:

Here be my pledge:

I pledge to seek the thrills, not worrying about the spills;

To find fun in every endeavour; to do

What I like when I like how I like with who I like

(Be it harm none... Except for the odd carpet burn, of course).

I pledge to edge instead of centre;

To centre myself in the unsuspected, the surprise...

To become a woman with wild eyes.

May 2013 be the year!!!!! Woo!!!!! :-)

Book Stuff!

"It is a man's duty to have books. A library is not a luxury but a necessity of life" - Henry Ward Beecher

And when he (or she! Bad Henry) have finished reading the books, then there's all sorts of stuff you can do with em...

This year, there seemed to be a lot of book-related things doing the rounds on various social media. Here are a few links to them for you... Enjoy! x

Bookshelves! Book Stairs! More Book Stairs! Book Covers! 

Book Trees! Book Art! Book Carving!
& (new) Book House!!!

Thanks (& so the days grow longer...!)

What is life, but a dream? Sometimes the thing can seem so harassed and bloodied, and heavy and terse, that we forget this. But, recently, I've been feeling it. Life's lighter, sunnier... So much so, that I can almost see through my own arms. Things are not as solid as they were. I see things more as motes of dust, rather than stones being thrown.

Earlier in the year, however, there were whole clouds of dust, and at the time every mote felt more like a comet than a crumb: a planet, rather than a particle. Now that I am seeing things in a sunnier light, I would like to thank all the people who were supportive during the time when I was having trouble with this... I was also pretty ill with a swift succession of kidney infections, which didn't much help matters.

So! My sincerest thank yous to......

Lisette, the bestest housemate ever! Nothing like a straight-talking Cockney wench to help you see things straight.

Fiona, the wise and beautiful dancing sprite, for sleep overs and advice and energising dance classes.

Kevin, who has a heart of gold, despite being a filthy, funny fucker (watch this clip!).

Cheers, also, to hep-cat Nicholas and cool-cat Marsha, simply for existing; to my sister Linds and brother Mao for their timely advice; to Emma Syrup and Will Ford, for listening when I ranted on; and also to the various ladies who I bumped into when distressed, and who were very nice to me: Sheryl; Coral; Yin; and everyone else.

Thanks to all my lovely, funny Facebook friends - FB gets a bad rap, like 'it's not real life' and that, but conversing/interacting with so many sweethearts *did* help, and *does* make a happy difference to my life.

Thanks to my meditation/healing group for being like little sparks of sunshine in a dark, dark world, and for showing me where and how to find the Light in myself :-)

Apologies to all the many people I did not get back to, esp. Jack Pascoe and Rachel Jones - I hope you will forgive me!

Thanks to the 'friends' who got in a huff/struck out when I was feeling low, really glad you've fucked off/I've told you to fuck off/I don't see you anymore! :-)

Thanks to Buzz Magazine for being so understanding and giving me some great opportunities this year, and to Write Out Loud (esp Greg Freeman) for allowing me to blog for them.

Thanks to Chapter Arts Centre, for hosting PechaKucha Night; and to Annie Haden at the Dylan Thomas Birthplace for being so kind and supportive.

Thank you to everyone who supported my cultural trip to Japan earlier in the year. See the full list of people who helped fund the trip here: but I would also like to thank those two who funded the most money (because I said I'd write a blog about you, and I havent yet): marvellous performance poet Anthony Fairweather and the super-talented singer-songwriter Cheryl Beer. 

Thanks also to Cheryl for asking me to perform at the wonderful Celtic Women festival.

And to Luke Wright, who helped sponsor my trip *and* booked me for the Latitude Festival, which was great fun.

To Leona Medlin of Mulfran Press for the lovely, poet-y London trip.

Thanks to Hirono Chikako of the Kansai St David's Society for asking me to perform at their festival in Osaka, Japan, and to photographer Rhys Jones for recommending me.

Thanks to the National Botanic Garden of Wales (David Hardy, in particular) for having me as their first ever Poet in Residence.

To Steven, for driving me to the Latitude Festival; for the sweet moments; and for making me realise I prefer dogs to cats.

And to many other people, too many to mention here!!! You know who you are, though!!! Much love to you, and a very happy Winter Solstice to you all!!!!! xxx

Five Words for Christmas

This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals—sounds that say listen to this, it is important. ~ Gary Provost